Blog Post 2:
Exclusive Q&A with J. S. Jasko

Posted by J. S. Jasko | September 22, 2024

This personal interview with J. S. Jasko was conducted at the author’s mansion by Cody Poppyseed, a college student writing for his college newspaper, We Live in the Real World Press.
 
Thanks so much for speaking with me today, Mr. Jasko! You’re my favorite author. I love how your books have characters and plotlines. Can you describe your writing process?

Of course, Cody. Anything for today’s youth who certainly know what the real world is like. I do most of my writing here at my expensive mahogany desk on my expensive typewriter. The words are more authentic that way, and the interns at the publishing company love transcribing everything onto a computer after. I try to write a few hundred words each day before the knowledge of my own death creeps in again and renders me immobile for the next several hours until the thought of all the posthumous awards I would win helps return me to the present.

Is it difficult to type with all those pork rinds covering your desk?

Yes, very.
 
Where do you get your ideas?

Well, Cody, I suppose that would be like asking where the sun gets its shine, where the milkman gets his milky jugs, or where your sister gets the nerve to wear that denim-on-denim ensemble out to the grocery store. Some things in life are just divined by that big novel outline in the sky, and we are often just a vessel for its vision of the world.
 
Your books are only available in printed form. No e-books, audiobooks, or under-the-skin injections. What was the reasoning behind this decision?

There is nothing quite like the feel of a book’s pages betwixt your fingers, except maybe the feel of a literary award against your cheek. Some people don’t know this, but I use only a single page made from each tree and throw the other remaining thousands in a landfill, no double-dipping. My books are more pure that way. This also allows for additional protected land to be cleared away and new shopping malls to be put up. Shopping malls are great. I like giving back to the community when I can.

The community thanks you! This next question was submitted by one of our college readers: What are taxes?
 
[At this point, a large man wearing a full camouflage tracksuit and matching face paint waddles into the room and starts sliding along the wall toward a stack of manuscript pages on a table. “Excuse me for one moment,” Mr. Jasko says with a sigh. He gets up from his desk and hurls a spare typewriter at the intruder. It hits him right on his camouflaged head. “Ouch! How did you see me? I’m wearing camo!” the man cries and then scurries out the door. Mr. Jasko sits back down and cracks his knuckles wetly.]

Who was that?

Oh, that was just my literary rival, S. J. Sasko. He’s always trying to steal my unfinished manuscripts. He’s really bad at writing, and also really bad at stealing manuscripts.
 
Your highly anticipated new series of stand-alone books will finally start releasing in October 2024. Can you tell us what the first book is about?

[Laughs] I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.

[Laughs] Oh, come on! Not even a little hint?

All right, fine. It’s about [REDACTED].

Awesome!

[Mr. Jasko gets up from the desk again, moves behind me, and wraps a typewriter ribbon around my neck several times. The smell of pork rinds is heavy and absolute. As I sputter and desperately claw at my throat, the author digs the ribbon in deeper.]

Gah . . . gurggg . . . don’t . . .

Shhhh, it’s okay. Go to sleep now.
 
Thanks again to J. S. Jasko for being so generous with his time! We know that award-winning authors have very busy schedules with all the writing and fending off literary rivals they have to do on a daily basis. Funeral services for Cody Poppyseed will take place next week. In lieu of flowers, please send donations to the Don’t Ask Questions You Don’t Want the Answers To Foundation. And look out for the first book in Mr. Jasko’s new series releasing in October 2024!


Top attention-seeking comments
from people on the internet

So insightful! I love learning about my favorite author, and now my education is complete.

Posted by Becky Brownnose on 9/22/24 at 10:01 a.m.

This is Cody Poppyseed’s mother, Carolyn Everything-Bagel. Cody was always an inquisitive little boy, and now he is an inquisitive pile of bones in a box. I guess I should have established more boundaries with him, but I had things to do at the casino.

Posted by Carolyn Everything-Bagel on 9/22/24 at 10:15 a.m.


Cody POOPYseed was a corporate shill! He didn’t even ask any of the hard-hitting questions that us college students want to know, like: What’s your major? Is this all there is? What’s going to happen to me? And most importantly, Is the cafeteria serving empanadas today?

Posted by supersenior93 on 9/22/24 at 10:37 a.m.

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